So first off I'd like to say hi to everyone, yes it's been a while. A LONG while. And I do apologize for my absence. I got lazy during my winter break. So yay for new blog of 2010!

Anyways, to the real reason I'm here. The topic of my blog this time is men in nursing.

Where in the world does it say that a man cannot be a nurse? That's like saying a woman can't be an engineer or doctor or something. In this day and age I still cannot believe that there is gender bias. Yes, call me optimistic, but I thought that by now we'd be past all this "girls/guys can only do this and can't do that" ideology.

Yes, I am a man. I'm not yet a nurse, but guess what? Life happens. Sometimes you NEED to change what you have to do. and to all the xangans out there that read my blog here I go, I'm gonna be honest to all of you. Yes, I WAS going for pharmacy, but things in my house have not been going so well. AT ALL. So I got to thinking.. "what can I do that's a stable, good paying, has good benefits, a career that's still in the medical field and I can do fast so I can move out of this hell that I call my household?" Nursing was the first thing that pops into my head. Two and a half years and I'm done. I'll be able to find a job (since there's a demand for nurses, [still i hope]) i'll be able to move out of this house I live where my parents don't respect me and put me down for everything and treat me like I'm a piece of crap, and I'll still be able to save up and go back to pharmacy school later on (yes, I shall be going back to school to pursue a doctorate in pharmacy, sadly, it's because I have a bit of an ego when it comes to schooling, so for that I apologize).

Good plan yes?

Well.... I've heard crazy things from different people about this and most just end up saying, "what? why move? just bear it for another 5 or 6 years and THEN move out, that way you can make the big bucks and not have to be a nurse, because man, being a 'murse' is just so f*cking gay." Gay? Really? If there's anything that I HATE more than anything is when gay is used as a verb to describe something as stupid or ridiculous. Since when was any career specifically made for ONE gender huh? There were other comments on this but the biggest thing that everyone compared it to was being gay. Honestly I don't know how ignorant and disrespectful people can be. Oh, and to jump back to a previous thing I wrote "bear it for another 5 to 6 years"? really now? why would anyone want to bear anything for that long when they can do something about it now, be happy, and only have to push back their goal for a little bit? I've bared (sp?) with it for as long as I can remember and I think I deserve to get out sooner and be happy working towards my goal then to bear with it, thank you very much.

So in two (and a half years) I'll be a nurse. And you know what? I'm damn proud. I've seen what nurses do and I know how HARD and proud most are with their profession. Who cares if your a guy in a female dominated field? Being completely honest, I was terrified at the thought of going into nursing. But as I thought about it, and knew the reality of things. I started thinking about all the good I can do and that there really shouldn't be a reason to be terrified. For now, I have a goal. I have a drive. I know the reality of things and know that I have to do this. And now, I'm not scared anymore thinking that people will think I'm not masculine or whatever for being a nurse, because at the end of the day, the only person that I'll listen to will be my lovely girlfriend, Jane. And that's the most important thing. So, here's to all you guys going into nursing. Be proud. Be damn proud your going into a good career.

I've been feeling out of it right now. Maybe I'm in love? But then again, maybe just infatuated. Whatever it is it's making me miserable. Not to say that love or infatuation makes you that way, but i guess its different for each person. Like the saying goes, to each his own.

While that introduction has nothing to do with why i'm making this, i think. I just thought i'd share it for some odd reason. Why may you ask am i making something like this? this is more of a personal afront for me, to vent out, hopefully get this arguement out of my head and actually get somewhere in life now. Also if you might have or will notice some things wont make sense and all that but I guess I'm Tarantino-ing plus Rodriguez-ing it here albeit minus the sharp dialogue and grittiness they happen to pull off.

What Is Infatuation? The Dictionary and all its glory states that it is "temporary love of an adolescent" and in all respect it is true. I dont get why us teens say we "love" someone when most, rather 90% of teens are JUST infatuated. Come to think of it, i can barely think of a high school love that lasted all the way to getting married. Maybe thats just me, I tend to see this only happening in happy romantic comedies (which genre i'm man enough to say i like)

how/what do/is you know if you are infatuated?

1.being caught up in looks & appearance & other superficial aspects of a person

2.doesnt last, plain and simple, sorry to break it to you :/

3.knowing that you want to spend the rest of your NIGHT with someone

4. happens fast

5.only seeing what they can do for you and for your needs, if you catch my tokyo drift. wink wink nudge nudge

6. "Puppy Love"

7. You are hopelessly obsessed with someone, but you are blind to all their faults and bad traits. (I.E. you desire and get attached to the image of what you idolize about them instead of what they really are)

8.Seeing someone in such a way that you THINK that you can't live without that
person in your life.

What is Love? The Dictionary states that love is "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." sadly, i disagree with the dictionary. Mostly because i think that love cannot be defined, though i rarely tell someone i love them, its because i think its to special of a word to be thrown around on a whim.
Love is something that should be cherished like, hm, a fragile artifact i guess. Yes, I'm bad at thinking of analogies, my bad >_>

how do you know if your in love?

1.Knowing that you want to spend the rest of your LIFE with someone

2.Builds over time

3.Being able to see a person for who they really are and having strong feelings for them anyway

4. Love is everything, it is about giving and not expecting anything in return

5. Love knows no time, the days, the months, the years will pass because real love is timeless.

6.You know you're in love when you spend every second of the day and night
thinking about that person and longing to be with them when you are apart and
nothing or no one else is more important to you than that person.

7. Love is giving yourself in your entirety, becoming vulnerable to that person, for better or for worse, till death do you guys 'part.

8.You want to live the rest of your life with this person because of this person's character strength and many dimensions of compatibility.


After writing all of this, yes i wrote all this, I can say that I'm in between of these two, and like people say, infatuation leads to love, and sadly, i wish it wasnt so. I'm in, like, i guess with a person that i know may possibly not like me back. It hurts to think like this too, mostly because i've only really liked two people in my whole life but this one takes the cake! I've never felt like this with a person before. But, I guess all good things must come to an end right? I'll still talk to this girl, act like nothings changed. But that fact is, something did change, she changed something in me (total cliche i know i know but hey, thats what i feel).

I know i have family on my myspace but if you read this, please keep it on the down low i really dont want our family to be like OMG whats wrong with him you know? also to my friends, i'm like spilling my guts here so i hope you guys dont write something bad about this and be mature about it, i hope.

and to that girl if you ever read this. i dont know if i'll get enough courage to ever tell you this so i'll do it the dorky and cowardly way i guess.

i just wanted to say that.....

















































 

from the whole entirety of my heart, i do (i never really liked the "from the bottom of my heart" saying) and i know you may never feel the same way but if i kept it from you, i'd feel like i'm hiding something and we wouldnt want that now.
















I'll Love you till the last pedal of these plastic roses die


Hell I'll even love you till you look like this



And now that i've gotten it off my chest i feel like, life has been brought back to me and i'm glad that i got this lifted from my chest. I feel like, a new person, able to see things more in perspective, and for that i'm happy.

And to you, the girl to whom had (or still has) taken my heart, even though you'll never know that I like(d)/love(d) you I'm just glad that you came into my life, because if you never did, I would never have see the beauty of this thing we call life so for that i thank you.